Shhhh........

Stagnant was never a word that will describe me ever..But i call myself stagnant now.I dont even like to step out of this room once i get back in here.and unfortunately it's not annoying at all, its not boring at all.why??Why when even a day without an outing was breath taking uncomfortable for me...Things change people change and I changed..The best of all is I dont mind it at all.Only thing i worry is why not?

Anyway...I should better not worry about such lame things atleast now when the clock is ticking and time is killing..!!

M starting to finish..!

I have all my love packed up,

all I have left loose is hope..

you will stay with me in my heart

as you will always belong to me there..

As I try to get hold of my footsteps

I try to run this life long journey..

I've missed many,

faced many...

but this is gonna be my last trip..

I have all my love packed

all I have left loose is hope..

The dilemma:28 August 2009

I am not sure if I made the right choice..if what I decided was the right thing to do.i am too far to turn around..i wonder if I killed a soul or saved two…

But this confusion have no judgement day...But still I am declared guilty ...

Take my word..

I will be back there where I was declared guilty some day..and will be proud …

Perfect..??

So does the perfect man really exist??

Wondering from where I got the idea. Well I was watching this movie today evening which revolves around the perfect man definition. Made me wonder that if really the perfect man gets u a flower when he first meets u? And does he really never complain about u talking too much? And what if he doesn’t like what u’r wearing? He won’t tell u & still like u even in rags...huh??Well though that really sounds perfect to me but where he is??I have met a few guys carrying a flower for somebody…but hey they not often r the perfect guy…

Haha...look at me, am thinking how it would be to meet a guy like that in life though it's not of much use...ah yes.i would have felt blessed but all I know is I know my definition of perfect man..He may not be perfect to praise me all the time. Nor to get me a gift every time (though not even on specials)...but yes he gets me anythg i ask for.and he gets me flowers too not coz he wants to do that but coz he knows I will love it… so that’s how my perfection goes..!!And I love it that way...

:)

Cheers!!

Life upside down..

A recent accident has like inaugurated a whole new store for me..i get into trouble even more often now..its actually so easier for things to fall out of place all the time..like hurt my head.messed with family, today doing nothing burned my hand, spilled things,broke glass, lost so many things, lost my temper so many times.n on n on..

look at me!!...

i knw i will be fine thgs will be fine..i knw all tell me not to worry..its just a phase of time will pass..i know this all..i m just wondering.. why???

i just think stars are not with me at the moment...either they have lost the route or its me..

m behaving different.n ya i dont mind it..

Wire V/S Rod..!!duh..!

So back to a weird discussion amogst a few people..m the victim as usual..

I was wearing a small red bangle one fine day.A girl said hey i like your bangle.Like always compliments are always welcomed.i smiled back and said Thanku dear..but then as a habit now all want to take a closer look by taking it in their hand..ok fine..m in no mood to talk too much so i kept quiet and gave the bangle to them to ponder a little more over this timid soul.

In order to go ahead i should explain a little more about this bangle.Its a small metal ring over which a thread is wound..simple..

Now the girls have somthg to talk about engineering..

Somebody asks:Is this a plastic wire inside right?i said no its metallic..but then second somebody said hey dont be stupid its not a wire its a rod..

okey..i m confused..!what did u say??

now she explains:"a rod is a wire only when its diameter is smaller than its length..n its a rod when its not"...

n to this dare not to argue or question...

but m still confused.!!!

So my days repeats as usual

More i run away from troubles,more m pushed in troubles..

Anyway what i want to write about is being responsible..n see who is taking abt it..me..yes because i know i have never been responsible about anything...family,food,house,love,life,frds,studies,job nothing at all..yes one thg i hold good is nothing..

I kind of make mistakes not to learn from because by the time you realise I'm soo screwed that I hardly get a second chance to be cautious..not my fault..i m innocent..really ..

you dont trust me??

i know u dont....

Why wait??

Well it's been a long time waiting for life to find it's right way..waiting is never happy..you are anxious all the time.It's like a parallel world of imagination running with you...

But am wondering why am i waiting.why not just break free and run away and get things on right path..??won't that be the perfect thing to do/??Ya there are a few hurdles and a few are really huge but then if you are walking on a smooth road its definitely the wrong one.!

The problem is decision is not entirely on me otherwise you know i would have picked the craziest thing, if required, and got my life the way i want it to be,,..!But frankly i hate the word "Wait"..

lost my patience..
:(
Let me Free..!

7 May 2009

She quietly escaped her mom's eyes and got out of her house just before it got dark.She had no vehicle as her sister was out for coaching.She had to walk so much that day.She purchased a simple cake and left it at his house as a gift.Came back and called me..To hear her cry was so tough and then to stay calm and talk the right thing.I asked her to come to my house next day.

Next day she came..her eyes were swollen..she was looking tired.she had so much on her mind ,so much to say...i was confused how to get started.I am not very good at talking things..I had my own life all messed up and ready to crash at that moment and then to give her advice...But she was different,he was different.!We went to my terrace to get solitude from rest of friends.I still remember everything- her face, the sun, the drops of tear in her eyes and the strength in her thought.All I could manage was to comfort her a little but not much of help.But then things had to change for the best.

All was once upon a time story and today she got married to her school days love ,to the person who never left her think of the other side of the coin..
They holded on to see the beginning of their new life together.And yes this is the day...

Cheers to you both!
Love you guys.!

The best part of rains is the rain itself..!

 

So it’s finally raining in B'lore...n its raining big...Lovely weather, all time windy and a little chilly...

 

Thinking about rains if remember so much related to my college life. I remember the day we got our final project printed it was raining really hard. Instead of waiting for rain to stop like the guys in my group did, me n praneeta waved them back in rain. We drove so much in rain that by the time we returned my home, we felt like water fountains...we had so much water soaked n poor pran,had to go kms back home...

 

Then I remember bunking class n driving to Sun temple...Somebody in group, probably maansi almost skidded in mud that day...We met a squirrel that day that had a special affection towards neha (They behaved like lost lovers)...

 

Then the hot coffee, our all time ,mocha at CCD...all drenched in rain we sat there sipping hot coffee for almost 5 hours...

 

Then I remember this guy from college, was used to stand in rain just to make it a point to talk...

 

Then bunny wanting to stand in rain outside .And when let out would stand like a small kid with his eyes struggling to open, somehow opening them half n looking at me all happy...then to get him back in ,I had to pick him up n bring inside..

 

Then Annie won’t go out because she hates dirt n mud on streets...

 

Me n dyna playing on terrace in rains...ah we both loved it.!

 

Most memorable is me di n dad on terrace whenever it rained...ahhh...di would be looking for shade n me n dad enjoying getting wet in rain...though ma never joined us but even she loved this trade..

 

N holi ki barish...uff...no comparison...me n my gang of friends getting wet in rain after holi...once me n rani were acting brave to get Rani's brother n his friends in color, but the output was as soon as they saw us we were caught, pick on shoulder n throw in colony's park fountain..

 

So much to say today....

So much with rains…

 

Can u believe this??

This is a long time back story...

Every morning I get late for office hurry through the chores and rush to office.But its different today.i am up before time..

So its early at 7 o'clock bright winter morning.I am all fresh after a sound sleep and lovely morning..I am wearing my favorite jeans and my hairs are wet.I wrapped a stole around me while walking down the lane to catch an Auto.On my way am listening to my favorite music on loudest of volume and its for a change, m in pleasent mood in bangalore today.Its quite chilly n m enjoying the cold breeze hitting my nose so strong to turn it red..i just feel its my kind of day..i started reading this book in my hand n m lost in my world...just then i notice something right in front of me...

n i froze to death..

Guess what it can be??

there was a small chicken hanging fresh dead near the drivers steering..i then noticed it again n then again.I was not sure if its for real.I was so much shocked that couldnt get to believe myself.but then ..I wanted to ask this guy what he was upto but then there is no point arguing with him about a chicken coz he might go n cook n eat that creature So i surendered n looked for a way out..was not in a position to say a word..

Suddenly he stopped at the signal.i got down gave him more than billed..n walked to a side..I dont know which part of blore i m..??

Standing on footpath on this sort of strange place i was thinking about the chicken over again n again..at the instant thought to call someone to pick me up but realised oops am a stranger in city..so shut up n work it out..

was still on footpath consoling myself..reached office and today m posting this.

strange world..!!

Lunch talks..! uff.!

Most of the times I've to ponder my thoughts to script but today I am writing because I think this is absolutely important.Today I was amazed to learn that somebody can get so ignorant and turn a deaf ear to facts to an extent unexpected .Above all girls are considered emotionally more dominant than guys. But anyway each one of us is expected to have a heart and at least realize the difference between the right and the wrong.

 

Capturing of wild life specially, talking about birds, is illegal in our country-India.yes or no??

Well the correct answer is YES...a Huge big YES.!!

 

Today @ lunch somehow a topic on birds came up. I was sharing a funny experience of mine in court related to birds. We had a case launched against a peddler selling birds in spite of warnings. But the topic suddenly caught fire. It took me seconds to analyze what the issue was? And to my realization I was hit by a wave of ignorance speeding with attitude..!Ah...none except one in the gathering knew that the parrots at their home are illegal. None of them agreed to the fact that it’s illegal to purchase pets from local retailers without license. Few were a step ahead to even disagree that the birds also deserve a free life, and taming them is curbing them for life until death..!!They felt feeding them and taking care n loving them is sufficient for them and compensates for the cage.huh??Strange.!

I was so disappointed that I didn’t even argue much...I tried to show them some light but darkness lasted.

I wanted to tell them that its actually illegal but ahh who can take it on their conventional thoughts which are almost dead by now...they still had a point to make that all of us had parrots n birds back home and its not possible...so??U did an illegal job first-purchasing them from a local peddler, second keeping it in a cage, third displaying this attitude..!!

Well my dear janta its time to read a little about cruelty against animals we do towards innocent beings in ignorance and above all its all for good...

 

For further reference visit               http://www.petaindia.com/

 

 

Floating mind..!!

Well this didn’t crop in my mind because I’m bored enough to think irrelevant, complicated things. But this is something I really want to know.

 

 

Last night me n my friend were together for dinner. She was narrating an incident of a friend from office who couldn’t believe she is vegetarian for ages. So she tells me that while giving him all the arguments why you shouldn’t kill animals n stay veggie the topic changed to fishes and emotions...n the friend of hers believes they don’t have emotions!!Well that sounds obvious,

 

But now since she wants him to believe being veggie is cool n human she argued till death that they feel pain...%??!!#@ So now she is all cold coz she is not sure...

 

Oops this ball is in my court. I told herwhat came first to my mind that" yeah they have emotions."..but the truth is even I don’t know..! n now I’m thinking...

 

What my experience with fishes says is they do have a little tiny heart...like in movie free willy that whale was so attached to the kid, yeah that was a movie but still...and then dolphins’ n whales recognize their owner’s n feel low or I would say swim low in their absence.Even my gold fishes were used to die eventually if they were left alone in aquarium without a swimming friend...but gold fish n emotions? Can she feel it?

 

I have even checked up on a few sites n everybody seems to be confused...soo do i have to catch a fish to know this..?

 

The hardest thing..

The hardest part about few moments are the memories left by them...you move ahead but these memories tie you to those moments. Ah I wonder who made the concept of memory...it would have been so different if we could freeze the happenings of past or put them on hold or may be at times even delete them when we want to like a disk clean up or something...!!

 

So yesterday while coming back home from office I passed a CCD (a small-cozy one) n the memories flooded my mind instantly taking me to an absolute different world...yes I’m still riding active..!I was feeling like the whole environment of that place stood alive in front of me, smell of coffee beans filled my mind, n was even imagining the parked vehicles in front of its door that I hated...Well I’m talking about the ccd back home. I have spent most of my days in college in CCD. We had just one CCD where people hardly bothered us sitting for hours. It was a magnificent time, time that will last for my life.

 

I remember the starting days in B'lore, I was all nostalgic n felt pathetic almost every night I was used to pass CCDs n tears were used to roll out in eyes in silence...ya it’s not easy to accept changes, abrupt ones specially...but then I don’t have much to say or do about this.

 

N you know what??I’m still thinking about it; don’t know if the smell of coffee was a spell on me or what…

 

Cheers..!

 

First day at first job is always a memorable day in one’s life. And so is with me.lets see how..

Boarding my almost missed train on Mumbai station I had butterflies in my stomach.7 boys and me started our journey to this so called new life from Aurangabad via Mumbai towards more south of India to THE city which is a known metro, green city and to be precise Bangalore.!!On our trip fun,chit chat, cartoons, music and many strangers accompanied. And along with them were all the dreams travelling for the new beginning. I was basically dreaming of my life of freedom...Anyway after almost 24-25 hrs of the nasty trains’ journey we landed at b’lore. 

Ok so now here comes the next day morning. I have to be in office at 8:30 am n m staying more than 20 kms from office...gawd so today I travelled more than I travel in 5 days back home...n guess what??M late..!!n guess what second time??This guy has no excuse to ignore it and he points it out to me as-" the first day u r late prakrati what will happen next huh??".Anyway the memorable begins here...after completing a few documets signing and scribbling about some details we were asked to wait there itself...hey did I mention what place is “THERE”?its the place outside the working area of office with some sofas scattered to look like a waiting room..now it’s again me n the boys looking at each others bored frustrated faces...ahh m bored again...to add on we have somebody to see us...hey they are the employees!!very now n then a person will come out to pass by thru this electronically monitored door which requires a card recognition to let u pass...People don’t say a hi to us, they just look at us..no hi no byes not even a frown..!!they don’t smile they r walking n looking at us n that too not even a catch of eye...they just look blank..they will look at u with a face that I thought only dead can manage...anyway hope this will get better sooner or later.mean while we had some talk with seniors a kind of short welcome n now its 12:30 n time for lunch...

Going for lunch made our day even more memorable …First even now we have to take the outer route n believe me we still don’t know how this office looks from inside. Second the stares are getting stronger now. people look at us talk n move ahead. girls were sitting in one corner of the room clustered up eating by themselves...oh shit!!girls in office mean just these? N last but not the least “The Food” I could hardly make out what I was eating...Actuall my lil mind asked me innocently is food so important that u r ready to eat this??so i gave up..!!n we r out back to the same place..sleepy n tired..

But the good news-thats all for the first day...we can go home, look for accomodation...

Now hunting a house n b’lore is pathetic when u r new n when u r new to the local language.

But my day ended in a better way .I got back to my to b jiju to pick me up…n I slelp really well in front seat of car on my way back. He wakes me up only when my di is standing in front of me…what wonderful people…m glad.so m already on bed ready to fall again...its the almost same drill tomorrow..goodnight..!

A word of Hi..I'm glad you're reading this..!!

Well I used this account long time back but then got this weird idea of deleting everything n resting in silence..But I guess I want to write something now.Lets see how long this continues..!!